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Feb. 11th, 2010



"I joyfully release from my body and space ANYTHING that
robs me of peace, focus and function"

thx BlackRoseCanady

insomnia naow::
.......Had a weird past few days, my heart is better but still a lil whacked out. It was neat cuddling, that made me feel a bazillion times better but I need to physically interact with people daily for the oxytocin/endorphins (and often I don't because I just stay home the whole time working)

I've been excersizing and laying in the sun which really helps keep me above depression.

Dash's was fun as hell but I definitely need to chill out. All those niggas party too hard for me. I don't have a strong liver like you's guys. Gonna fuck my life up if i keep tryin to hang out like that lol.

I tried to be productive by drinking coffee but that didn't help at all - Coffee just makes me sleepyz now. I drank like 5 cups of water and that woke me up.

What do I really want?

I guess


I'd like a cool smart phone,
a new place, I'd like to have enough funds to really do an insane awesome interior design/decor

I plan to get a new car
meep meep


I want more new-agey shit around. Like a giant buddha statue, more essential oils / incense, do more yoga, more plants, ect.

I was planning on moving to costa rica in about a year after I get syn-studios going sufficiently on its own, my friend Brandon (not dizzle) was talkin about it too and he had the same idea so I think I'm going to move to costa rica with a group of ppl. Looking at mal pais.

BEFORE I move there I'll go on vacation there...

Oh yeah I ordered a matrox triple head2go so I can have 3 monitors. I hope I can be more productive with that much screen real estate.


1. What are you really thinking about today? – “As you think, so shall you become.”

2. Simplify. – “It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.” and “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”

3. Learn about yourself in interactions. – “To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.”

4. Do not divide. – “Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.”

5. Avoid a dependency on validation from others. – “I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” and “Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”

6. Be proactive. – “To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities.”

7. Be you. – “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”


Feb. 9th, 2010



Wow I feel 1000x better. I'm over it. I just had an awesome last few days, I really needed it.
I'm glad that this time the recovery didn't take long.

I was focusing on that I was losing something but I've gained so much more - realization of all the happiness and love that was right in front of me and all around me in my friends, I didn't realize it but I lost some respect for myself by being with my last gf. Now I feel wonderful.

Feb. 5th, 2010



I am single again. I wasn't hanging out with my girlfriend much lately but I thought we had a deep love and understanding. I was working extra hard so I could get all my shit together and be able to have a better life but because I wasnt hanging out with my gf enough she was hanging out more with my EX friend who did her tattoo...

I was jelous of them hanging out but the tattoo was a huge piece and he is old and not attractive she ketp assuring me "no dont worry he's really fat and gross blah blah blah"

Well everything seemed fine until she left to visit her family in Arizona, she even was telling her family about me and they were all excited to meet me. Everything seemed good. She came back and then said she wanted to move back to AZ and she didnt want to see me anymore. I was like uhh wtf happened - I was suspicious that she messed around in AZ - I have a feeling she did. She felt guilty and so wanted to break up with me because of that. I wanted to break up with her because I can do better I guess but I was willing to work on it. I come to find out that this whole week shes been hangin out with the tattoo guy (he feeds her drugs) and now they are "dating"

I'm furious because its stupid for her I guess I wasnt there for her enough but whatever now I think shes an idiot. She can go be a druggie retard with someone who she doesn't even like that much >.<

I have been feeling pretty good lately and even getting over it but the thing that bothers me most is the betrayal from this guy, He calmly just seduced her and acted cool around me but the whole time he was planning this arg it makes me want to throw up. I cant take her back I am too disgusted at the whole thing. Now I am angry and alone.

I have to get better and be happy - I will say this rage is motivating me. I want revenge by success. I think I'll be okay in a few days, and I know I can do much much much better and have a much more fufilling situation. I am very understanding and I see how it all happened and its ok with me on one level but I keep oscillating between sadness, rage, forgiveness and optimism, happiness

I'm a little crazy right now because I'm not in love anymore I'm in hate and I'm trying to control it but my heart hurts


Oct. 29th, 2009


I havent been journaling!

I feel like a part of me isnt progressing. Maybe I need to journal more!

Lets see where am I at?

Ive been doing web work but getting under paid cuz I'm just starting. I'd like to get paid full but I don't really know what I'm doing fully in starting my own company. I've talked to nic aragon about combining forces - I think this can be a way out of this rut.

I'm also getting overwhelmed by how fast the internet and technology is progressing. I guess I used to feel like a badass because I felt like I was way better than most ppl but now I feel like I'm losing my edge.

I need to achieve my higher potential and be where I want to be. This means doing more but I've been lazy lately. Playing too much quake live! Quake live is killin me! I love how amped it makes me but its a temporary excitement. I should be achieving my creative goals. I wish the self discipline to be excited by boring things.

Oh well I'm excited about the upcoming halloween - psychedelic freak show. After that I want to buckle down and work really hard and get my company really off the ground. I know I can do it if I just focus.

Its tough because I've developed alot of allergies. When I eat food with something I am allergic to I get brain fog.

When I feel good I feel so good that I just want to watch movies/tv/or play qlive instead of work. When really I should work when I feel good, cuz then when I dont feel on point and I have to work its tough!

I want to make enough money to get a house out of the country and grow crops to live sustainably off of solar - I feel like I've spent too much time having fun so I am so used to it.

Hrmm how to make boring stuff fun - that is my new goal!

Sep. 9th, 2009


The Spell of Great Success

Its been hard work but I'm starting to see "Miracles" happen. Its things like randomly people call me because their friend needs a website. Well they know I make websites because I haven't been hanging out as much, because I'm busy working on websites, now other people know to send them to me, ect.

Not just that but I sat there and I said to myself, I want more clients, but how can I get more?

I probrably should've started advertising, but coincidences keep happening where more and more people are calling me saying they have mutliple clients that need work. Its almost spooky how fast it worked.

I also wanted to double my income and that's been working too, about every 2 or 3 weeks I've doubled what I had previously.

I am going to try my best to keep this goin!!

"Luck Factor #7: Intensity

The seventh luck factor in this is intensity. Perhaps the most obviously identifiable quality of a highly successful person is, “Intensity of purpose.”

Always, the person who wants something longer and harder than the other is the one who will eventually win out in a competitive world. The more you want something, the more likely it is that you will learn what you need to learn and do what you need to do to achieve it. You will work longer hours and try more different things. You will read more books, listen to more tapes, and attend more different courses. You will meet more people and cover more ground. You will dramatically increase the probabilities of being the right person in the right place at the right time.

And when you back your intensity of purpose with the quality of persistence, you become like an irresistible force of nature. The fact is that, if you are absolutely clear about what you want and you engage in a high level of activity to achieve it, you will experience more luck than the average person. When you make a conscious decision to master your field and back it with high levels of energy and enthusiasm, you will move ahead further and faster than anyone around you. When you become a positive, cheerful person, who is known for your high character and integrity, you will put yourself on the side of the angels.

And when you back every desire and goal with unshakable confidence and persistence, and keep on keeping on, no matter what the adversity, you will turn out to be one of the luckiest people alive. And as a result, your future will be unlimited."


Aug. 20th, 2009


Expense VS Investment

Investing your time doing things and hanging out with people that will give you a return vs Spending your time and wasting it.

Investing money and Spending money.

Things to think about.
Its better for the future to be investing all the time of course!

Aug. 18th, 2009


More smarter

I've been taking a Rhodiola Rosea blend that has been tested on cosmonauts to increase their productivity.

I had some type of chronic fatigue / A.D.D. and I tried to fix it by trying out various A.D.D. medicines but none have worked as well for me as Rhodiola.

I feel smarter. I've been watching PHP video tutorials and I've learned alot. I also took some tutorials on Objective-C for mac / iphone programming. I ALSO have been doing javascript / jQuery tutorials. I want to learn C and C++.

It would seem difficult to learn so many languages at once, but they have this underlying logic to them so when they overlap it reinforces the concepts making it easier to remember.

I feel like I'm thinking 3x as fast. I felt a bit tripped out as if I focus inward I feel that I can hear this tone. I imagine the tone is my brainwave. I can consciously lower the tone to go from crown chakra (where it is usually when I start to hear it) and as I lower the tone I mentally go down through the various other levels in my body.

It was interesting as I went down into my throat I visualized that I need to write a book and say more meaningful / revolutionary topics when I MC, I want to drop knowledge on people.

As I descended into my heart I felt that it was much more activated than usual, I was grateful to have all of my friends and to know everyone that I do and I am glad they are in my life. I also thought about how I do the same things over and over again (hanging out with the same people, doing the same things) but that I do know and have A LOT of friends who want me to come hang out but I just don't because I end up going to hang out with one of the regulars. I decided I want to try and get out more and mingle with even more various groups.

As I descended into my stomach I felt like I've been having such amazing energy from eating organic and cutting out refined carbohydrates. I also felt that I should get into medicine so that I can find other people with problems like mine (I don't know if I am histadelic but I am an ectomorph and ectomorph people have very different dietary needs than athletic people or fatties, yet almost all the dietary advice out there is assumed you are over-weight, not under weight. I'd like to help people who are extra skinny because I bet they would have a lot of similar problems as I did and I could probably help them get better without getting on dangerous pharmaceutical drugs.)

As I descended into my legs I thought of all of the places that I want to travel. I want to go to Costa Rica, Belize, Jamaica, Chile, Brazil, Spain, Italy, Germany, New Zealand, Japan, Russia, France.

Then below my feet I actually started getting tired and I was able to get myself to go to sleep.

Thinking about learning multiple programming languages at once makes me feel that if I focus I can learn multiple languages at once as well.

I want to try it out. I already took a year of Japanese, so I could improve on that. I took 3 years of Spanish, I could re-activate that. I think I will look into italian (my sister speaks that), French, German.

I know Mandarin Chinese is really hard but maybe I will learn that if I live in China for a while.

I also want to learn ancient sumerian, hebrew and egyptian for occult studies.

Funny languges to learn are: Rastafarian /Jamaican (I just want to learn all their phrases like "i and i" and "fi dem") and EBONICS lol:

# be = are
# befo = before
# bent = wasted
# bomb = something that is considered popular or visuially pleasing
# boo = close friend
# booty = buttox
# boyz = gang friends
# brick = see phat
# Bruva = An male acquittance
# buck wild = really crazy
# bud = marijuana
# buggin' = actions in a manner which is considered to be not socially acceptable in a group of homies
# bumping = it is to my liking
# bust out = to leave
# busta = a person who hangs around with but is not wanted
# busta cap = shoot a gun fire a bullet
# busta move = to act quickly
# cent = cents
# cap = bullet
# chillin = Relaxing
# chronic = strong marijuana
# cock-blockin' = interfering in one's relations
# cream = money, riches, valuables
# crib = place of residence
# da shit = strong marijuana
# dimebag = bag of mixed illegal drugs, usually worth monitary exchage units in a factor ten
# dog = friend, worn out, bad, terrible, in bad shape
# dis = that, or too harass
# fitty = fifty
# flava = means flavor
# fly = tight (see tight) or neat
# fly gangster shit = going to fight
# foo = fool
# fronting = lying / attempting to start a quarrel
# ganja = marijuana grown in Jamaica or the flower of a marijuana plant
# gank = to steal or take from someone or something
# gat = gun
# (I'm gonna) gat yo' ass = You are angering me and I may become violent if you do not cease your actions
# he be = he does
# homey = friend
# hood = neighborhood
# hoodrat = scummy girl

Jul. 30th, 2009


back on track

I've been going to sleep early, getting up early, detoxing, and lifting weights.

I believe I had adrenal fatigue. Vitamin C, Adrenal Cortex, Taurine help this a ton.

I feel alot better!! Energized if you will...

I went to a fire tribe gathering last night. I love those burners. I want to go to burningman even more now. I don't know if I can afford it, but I'm going to try really hard.

Jul. 28th, 2009



Wow! I felt crazy brain fog for the past week, and today I drank some bentonite clay (1tsp) with psylium husk fiber (1tsp) in water.

I feel like the bentonite really got some heavy metals or something out of me, either that or it gave me some electrolytes that I really needed.

I hope I am this clearheaded tomorrow! I'm going to drink some bentonite again when I wake up :]

Jun. 26th, 2009


Just finished Prismatic Flyer

I started with a picture of "the man" from burningman, then added pictures of clouds, sunsets, & smoke. The main text was created with illustrator + cinema4d.

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